Giving a Speech: Dos and Don'ts

Whether you are giving your first speech or your 999th speech, there are some things you should do and should not do while communicating your message to your audience.

The most important thing to remember while giving a speech is that your focus should be, as I said above, communicating your message to your audience. However, your ability to focus on that message during your speech comes with practice, practice, more practice, and preparation.

Speech Rule #1
Outline your speech.

An audience can tell when you have not outlined and rehearsed the order and content of your speech. The outline helps you ensure your speech has unity, coherence, and clarity.  Be sure to carefully consider your outline before committing to it and practicing it, but also do not be afraid to change your outline after rehearsing it.  You may realize changes must be made only after timing, pacing, and practicing your speech.

Speech Rule #2
Speak to and look at your audience.

If your eyes wander during a speech, or if it seems as if you are not speaking to your audience, your audience will (unfortunately) concentrate more on your discomfort and less on your message.  Since the message is the most important part of public speaking, be sure to speak to and look at your audience to make sure they are receiving your message.

Speech Rule #3
Move with a purpose.

Just like wandering eyes, wandering limbs are extremely distracting.  It's better to stand in a comfortable position, without leaning or swaying, than to distract your audience with excessive or jittery movements.

Speech Rule #4
Present yourself.

When experts speak on a topic they thoroughly understand, they present themselves as experts with pride in their accomplishments.  How do they present that care?  They dress to impress and groom themselves professionally.   It's more likely an audience will accept your credibility if you are dressed and groomed like a credible person.  Taking a few extra moments to iron and put on dress clothes shows an audience you care enough to prepare for them.

Speech Rule #5
Use standard English.

Colloquial phrases, slang, mumbled words, and bad or invective language should play no part in an academic speech.  Use clear, concise language to convey your message to your audience.  All the better, make sure you use standard English.  If this is difficult for you, transcribe your speech and use a free service, such as Grammarly, to help you correct your grammar before you begin practicing bad phrasing in your speech.

Speech Rule #6
Use transitions.

Break your speech into natural divisions and use transitional words and phrases to help your audience hear you "switch gears" between those divisions.  For example, in a sequential speech, use transitional words and phrases related to step-by-step actions, like "first," "next," or "after."

Speech Rule #7
Add sufficient detail to offer new knowledge.

Part of planning a speech is knowing your audience.  Be sure to offer them new information instead of repeating facts or examples they already understand.  Most college students, for example, know how to tie a shoe, so delivering a speech about how to tie a shoe would not be appropriate.  Likewise, explaining to that audience why they should tie their shoes would certainly be information they do not need.  Offer new information and responsible knowledge.

Speech Rule #8
Conclude.

Have an exit strategy.  Just saying "That's it" at the end of a speech is awkward and does nothing to help the audience retain your message.  Better to carefully plan a conclusion that reiterates your message in as clear a way as possible to really help the audience remember it.  Restate your thesis, point out key pieces of information, or summarize important considerations.

Speech Rule #9
Pace yourself.

If there is a time limit on your speech, be sure to meet it.  However, speaking slowly to make up for a lack of information (or speaking rapidly to stay under a time limit), doesn't fool the audience.  There is nothing that can make up for a lack of information.  Respect the audience enough to research your topic and present new information to keep them involved and engaged.

Speech Rule #10
Be confident or "fake it 'till you make it."

Apologetic speakers are difficult to watch.  The audience (because they are usually really nice people) starts to feel bad for a speaker as soon as they sense the speaker is uncomfortable and lacks confidence.  Remember, you want the audience to pay attention to your message, not your discomfort.  So, how do you show confidence when you feel like you've eaten a breakfast of butterflies?  Imitate confidence, or better yet, know your topic so well you can speak about it with true confidence.  Practice, look at your audience, and present responsible knowledge.




Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Diagramming Vonnegut: "So it Goes"

Regarding Death: So it Goes

The Tralfamadorians, in all of their glorious wisdom, utter "So it goes" in the face of death. Kurt Vonnegut, in all of his glorious wisdom, gives this phrase life through his character, Billy Pilgrim, in Slaughterhouse Five. 

"So it Goes"

Billy states it thusly:

The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.

When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in that particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is "So it goes." 

Analysis

Although the act of shrugging is indicated in this particular quote, this shrugging is not the depth of the meaning of the phrase.  Bryan Scoular expresses the meaning of "So it goes" in a letter to the editor of the New York Times (Dec, 16, 2011): This phrase, he says, "is used whenever there is a mention of death. At times used tragically, at other times absurdly, this phrase, repeated more than 100 times, comes to represent the randomness of death — how death can come to anyone at any time — and to convey a sense of fatalism during wartime. That is, the constant repetition of  'So it goes' makes readers ask themselves about the meaning of death (or its lack of meaning) and the incalculable human costs of war."

Existential Construction

Grammatically, it is an oddly constructed sentence, and it relies on a reader's understanding of the existential construction and of "so" beyond its use as a coordinating conjunction.  In this case, the "so" is used like "just so" or "like this." "So it goes" could be restated, still in the existential, as "It goes like this," or "It is like this."  "It," to make the sentence more concrete, refers to life as well as to death.  To diagram, the sentence should be considered like the rewrites, the intended meaning emphasized. 

References

Scoular, B. (Dec. 16, 2011). And so it goes. New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/18/books/review/and-so-it-goes.html?_r=0

Want to learn more about diagramming sentences?  

Take my complete online course, "Sentence Diagramming: From Beginner to Expert in 12 Lessons" on Udemy, or purchase my text, Diagramming Sentences: A Playful Way to Analyze Everyday Language (affiliate link) on Amazon.

Easy Cauliflower Soup Recipe

Easy Cauliflower Soup is Perfectly Light and Tasty!

I am a fan of cauliflower.  I like it raw, roasted, steamed, boiled, crisp and crunchy or smooth and creamy.  When I learned I could make it into a soup, I was eager to try it out.  

Ingredients for Easy Cauliflower Soup

• 1 Head Cauliflower
• 1 Can Chicken Broth
• 1 Tablespoon Unsalted Butter
• 1 Clove Garlic (Minced or Pressed)
• 1 Cup Skim Milk
• 2 Stalks Celery
• Shredded Cheese

Directions 

• Add butter, chopped cauliflower, pressed or minced garlic, and chicken broth to 3.5-quart or larger dutch oven or soup kettle.
• Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 1 hour, stirring or whisking the soup occasionally to break down the cauliflower.
• Add the celery, sliced, and simmer for an additional 30 minutes.
• Add milk and continue to whisk more frequently until the cauliflower reaches your desired consistency.
• Serve with a nice bit of shredded cheese on top.

Nutritional Information

As given in the instructions listed here, this soup serves 4, and each serving contains 332 calories. This includes 13 grams of fat, 727 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of fiber,  19 grams of protein, 10 grams of sugar, 200% of your vitamin C for the day, and half of your daily recommended calcium (based on a 2,000 calorie diet).  Swapping salted butter, whole milk, homemade broth, or reducing the cheese will alter the recipe and allow you to suit the soup to your taste.  Happy souping!

Want to Read More Recipes on Gypsy Daughter Essays?  Try

Experimenting with Quince Fruit

Airlock Lids and Homemade Sauerkraut

Bell Pepper Soup: An Adaptable Veggie Classic

Copyright Amy Lynn Hess. Please contact the author for permission to republish.

   

Product Review: Are Adult Coloring Books Worth the Money?

An Owl from the Enchanted Forest Adult Coloring Book

Although I had the inclination to get myself an adult coloring book as soon as I saw them hit the shelves, I stubbornly passed them by, thinking "If I want to color I can just draw a picture, right?" 

I continued to see them at the craft stores, at the big box stores, at the grocery stores, and at my in-laws, even!

The next time I saw them, I was weak. I purchased Johanna Basford's Enchanted Forest: An Inky Quest and Coloring Book.  It's right up my alley with its forest and castle theme.

The Pros

To begin, I am happy I purchased this book.  First and foremost, the book is quite beautiful to flip through, whether or not I'm choosing a page to color in it. The pictures are expertly drawn, featuring both elements of design in entire scenes and the repetition of patterns.  Furthermore, the act of coloring in this book has its intended effect; I have spent a few hours coloring in it, and it feels very much like a meditative practice.  Coloring in it effectively helps me clear my mind and gives me something stress free to pass a little time between other tasks.  On a more personal note, coloring in it also gives me a chance to use my fairly large collection of Prismacolor colored pencils, especially the numerous shades of green I've accumulated.

The Cons

On the other hand, despite my overall "gladness" of having purchased this text, I recognize it may not be for everyone.  For example, the detailed drawings might be a bit off-putting to some folks who may have shakier hands, poor eyesight, or who lack a decent pencil sharpener or tabletop workspace. In that case, a book with less detailed drawings may be better.  I do find myself leaning close and stopping to sharpen my pencils fairly often.  I also recognize that although I already had several pencils, others may not be so prepared; starting a collection of colored pencils adds to the expense of the coloring. All in all, however, the overall cost is quite low when compared to other artistic hobbies.

Final Assessment

Because of the low cost of this hobby and the beauty of the book (whether or not you color in it), I recommend it to anyone who may be on the fence.  If you remember fondly your days of coloring as a child, pick it up and give it a chance to work its magic, again.

Want to read more about arts and crafts?  Try

How to Use Beautiful Buttons
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Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Experimenting with Quince Fruit

Preparing a Quince 

Until I moved into my new home here in Georgia, I had never heard of quince.  There is a quince tree in my yard, however, and although neither my real estate agent or I could identify the tree, my neighbor could: Apparently, the tree was planted by her father-in-law more than 60 years ago!

Early this fall, I rescued 2 large quince fruits from the critters; bugs, squirrels, and birds. After a little research online, I learned the fruit was completely edible, and I was able to prepare the two quince fruits like an applesauce. The quince sauce I made was definitely a bit grittier and a lot more sour than applesauce (like a green apple), but with ice cream and crumbles on top, I hear it made an excellent dessert cobbler.

Cutting a Quince

These are not the pretty quince slices I saw online.

First and foremost, know that quince are hard; they are really hard.  Cutting the quince was harder than cutting a winter squash.  I attempted to use a chef's knife, but I resorted to something serrated to saw through the fruit.

In all honesty, I wanted to have beautiful slices like some other online recipes show, but it was all I could do to even get the knife through it. I settled for a good peeling and getting as much of the fruit away from the core as I could.

Preparing a Syrup

While I was hacking away at the quince, I was also creating a syrup over low heat.  I used 1/4 cup of sugar and 2 cups of water seasoned with star anise and a cinnamon stick.

Once I added my two hacked-up fruits to the syrup, I brought it all to a boil, lowered the heat and let it simmer for a few hours.  I checked in on it every so often since I wasn't sure how long it would take.  Some of the slices started getting pink and soft within the first 15 minutes, but others took the two hours.

Finishing and Serving

Star Anise and Cinnamon

After I tasted the quince the first time, it took me about 20 seconds to unstick my face from the "pucker" it caused.  Once I unstuck my face, I added 1/2 cup brown sugar and let it cook for another 15 minutes or so.  The brown sugar brought the power of the sour to a reasonable and refreshing level.

I served the quince cold to my family, but my mother-in-law bumped it up a notch by creating a dessert with the container I delivered to them.  From all family reports, preparing the quince sauce with crumbles and ice cream made it a lovely dessert.

And with that,  ooh la la, I see another quince has fallen from the tree . . . .




Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Diagramming the Past Perfect "Had Had Had Had"

To create the past perfect of a verb, English speakers add "had" to the past tense of a verb. The past tense of the verb "have" is "had." That means the past perfect tense of "have" is "had had."

Thinking about "had had" long and hard at 3 a.m. this morning, because that's the sort of thing what keeps English professors up at night, I came up with an example sentence that uses the past perfect of "have" twice in a row and once more for good measure.  I then diagrammed that glorious sentence, added a few prepositional phrases to it, and diagrammed it again. Although this exercise might be the kind of thing to help most people fall asleep, it just excited me, and here I am writing about it four hours later.

Here's today's past perfect sentence diagramming challenge sentence:

He had had the special training, but the special training that he had had had had no effect on his ability to perform his job duties under pressure.

Step One: Separate the Clauses

Clause One (Independent): He had had the special training
Clause Two: (Independent): but the special training [that he had had] had had no effect on his ability to perform his job duties under pressure.
Clause Three: (Adjective Clause): that he had had

Step Two: Diagram the First Independent Clause

The subject of the first clause is "He," and the complete verb is "had had."  "The" and "special" modify the direct object, "training."

Step Three: Diagram the Second Independent Clause

Connect the first and second clauses at their verbs using the coordinating conjunction, "but."  The complete subject of the second clause is "the special training [that he had had]," the complete verb is "had had," and the object is "effect."  "No," and the string of phrases, "on his ability to perform his job duties under pressure" are modifiers (with modifiers).

Step Four: Diagram the Adjective Clause

"That he had had" modifies "training" in the subject of the second clause.  Therefore, as with all modifiers, it is diagrammed under the word it modifies.  Because it is a clause connected to a clause, it is connected with a dashed line.  Before it can be diagrammed, however, it must be rearranged.  The subject should appear first.  The rearranged clause, in standard subject-verb-object (SVO) order, reads "he had had that."

Do you have another challenging sentence that needs diagramming?  Give it a try or present it in the comments below!

Want to read more about diagramming sentences?  Try

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Want to learn more about diagramming sentences?  

Take my complete online course, "Sentence Diagramming: From Beginner to Expert in 12 Lessons" on Udemy, or purchase my text, Diagramming Sentences: A Playful Way to Analyze Everyday Language (affiliate link) on Amazon.

Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Diagramming Pangloss: All is for the Best in the Best of All Possible Worlds

In Candide, Voltaire presents one of the most famous lines in literature, putting it in the mouth of the one of the most famous philosphers in literature, Dr. Pangloss.

"All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds," Pangloss says.  "Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes possibles."

However, as easy as it is to find explanations of this philosophy in English or in French, your choice, it is not as easy to find grammatical analyses of the line.  This line's analysis requires the analyzer take a long, hard look at each of the three prepositional phrases and determine their best possible locations.  That is not to say, of course, that Voltaire did not place them in their best of all possible locations in the best of all possible lines, just that the analysis can lead to a better understanding.

Subject and Verb: "Tout est"

The subject and verb, "Tout est," is easy to determine.  The sentence has only one verb, "est," and "Tout" is the only noun that precedes the verb.  The subject sits to the left of the base line, and the verb sits to the right, divided by a perpendicular line that slightly crosses the base line. 

First Prepositional Phrase: "pour le mieux"

The first prepositional phrase, "pour le mieux," acts as a subject compliment in this sentence.  The subject and this first prepositional phrase are joined by the linking verb, "est." In other words "Tout" equals "pour le mieux."    In order to diagram the subject compliment, add a back-slanting line after the verb and diagram the prepositional phrase above the base line.  Connect the prepositional phrase element to the base line with a perpendicular line and legs.

 

Second Prepositional Phrase: "dans le meilleur"

The second prepositional phrase, "dans le meilleur," requires some interpretive sleuthing.  A prepositional phrase is a modifying phrase.  It behaves like an adjective or an adverb.  To determine its placement in a diagram, one must determine what the prepositional phrase is modifying.  In this case, it could describe what "is in the world," what "est dans le meilleur," or it could be telling us Dr. Pangloss means to tell us about "all in the world" (or "everything in the world"), "tout dans le meilleur."  Lastly, he could mean all is for the "best in the world," which would really emphasize the level of best, or "mieux."  As the interpreter of this sentence, I have chosen the second interpretation, "Tout dans le meilleur" as the subject, which emphasizes he really means everything. The phrase has been diagrammed under the subject.

 

Third Prepositional Phrase: "des mondes possibles"

The final prepositional phrase, "des mondes possibles," modifies the object of the preposition, "meilleur," which translates to "the best of all," or colloquially, "the absolute best." When analyzed grammatically, a reader can see that with the use of the two superlatives, "mieux" and "meilleur," the last prepositional phrase is really unnecessary.  However, when analyzed for interpretation or meaning, this last prepositional phrase adds to Dr. Pangloss's character development and echoes the philosophies of Liebniz - all for the effect of the novel's satire. 

Final Diagram: "Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes possibles."

The final diagram for Dr. Pangloss's philosophical sound byte looks to be a rearrangement of the original that does, indeed, assist with understanding, whether that understanding aligns with accepted meanings or semantically stands apart from accepted meanings: "All in the best of all possible worlds is for the best," or "Tout dans le meilleur des mondes possibles est pour le mieux."

Want to read more about analyzing literature?  Try

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Want to learn more about diagramming sentences?  

Take my complete online course, "Sentence Diagramming: From Beginner to Expert in 12 Lessons" on Udemy, or purchase my text, Diagramming Sentences: A Playful Way to Analyze Everyday Language (affiliate link) on Amazon.

Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Diagramming Possessive and Plural Nouns

Do you want to write about one butterfly or many butterflies?

Nouns: Possessives and Plurals 

As a general rule, a noun ends in "s" when a writer is referring to more than one of the given noun. For example, the writer might write about seeing one butterfly or several butterflies.  The writer might mention encountering  a ghost or multiple ghosts.

When a writer means to say that something belongs to the noun, however, he or she uses an apostrophe before adding the "s."  The writer could refer to the butterfly's wings or the ghost's intentions.

When a writer wants to tell his or her readers that something belongs to more than one of the given noun, the writer must use the plural form of the noun and the possessive apostrophe.  In this case, the writer would tell us about butterflies' wings or ghosts' intentions.

How to Diagram Plural, Possessive, and Possessive Plural Nouns

Before diagramming these nouns, the form of the noun must be carefully considered.  Plural nouns are diagrammed on horizontal lines, either on a base line or horizontally as the object of a preposition.  Possessive nouns, however, have an entirely different purpose, and they are diagrammed as modifiers underneath the nouns they modify.

To diagram a plural noun as a direct object, simply place it on the horizontal base line in the third segment of that base line.  In this instance, the writer is referring to more than one butterfly.

To diagram the singular possessive form of a noun, place the possessive noun under the word it modifies on the diagonal line.  In this example, the direct object is "wings."  The possessive noun, "butterfly's" tells us more about the kind of wings Kate admired. 

In this final diagram, Kate admired the wings of multiple butterflies.  Although "butterflies'" is plural, it is also possessive, and it is therefore a modifier.  It remains underneath the word it modifies, just like any other adjective.

In diagramming, just as in writer, the form of a noun must be carefully considered before it is written. Plural nouns are placed just as singular nouns are placed, but possessive nouns are diagrammed like adjectives.

Want to learn more about diagramming sentences?  

Take my complete online course, "Sentence Diagramming: From Beginner to Expert in 12 Lessons" on Udemy, or purchase my text, Diagramming Sentences: A Playful Way to Analyze Everyday Language (affiliate link) on Amazon.

Copyright Amy Lynn Hess. Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Students' Learning Outcomes

An Outcomes-Based Assessment Model

Outcomes-based assessment has become the go-to model for assessment practices in education from elementary schools through post-graduate programs.  However, there is a weakness in the model.

  

What's missing from the model is a level of alignment and an opportunity for feedback from students about what students want to gain or achieve by the time they reach graduation.

Outcomes-Based Assessment Model Overview

To give a quick overview, institutions have goals, abilities and qualities they want students to have by the time they reach graduation.  Schools and disciplines or departments have goals, too, which are more specific abilities and qualities for students to demonstrate by the time they graduate from that particular school, discipline, or department.  The abilities and qualities institutions, schools, disciplines or departments want students to gain are taught and assessed in specific classes.

Class goals align with departmental or discipline goals, which align to goals of a particular school, which align with the institution's broad goals for all students.   In that way, each individual class clearly helps students move closer to an achievement of proficiency in the departmental or discipline goals and outcomes, and the institutional goals and outcomes, concurrently.

The Students' Goals

This is an effective model for assessment, no doubt.  In this model, though,  I see the potential for an institution to ignore, either intentionally or unintentionally, the goals of the students.  Theoretically, students accept as their own the outcomes set forth in the courses, departments or disciplines, schools, and institutions they choose.  When the outcomes determined by faculty, administrators and stakeholders do not align with the abilities and qualities the students want to achieve, however, where in the model do the students have an opportunity to offer feedback?

Of course, faculty can ascertain this type of misalignment within individual courses, but generally do not have the authority to change the outcomes or goals that are assigned a particular course because of the consistency required for assessment.  Administrators and stakeholders may hear from some students and faculty about any misalignment, but such anecdotal information is not statistically relevant enough to overhaul institutional goals and outcomes.

Program Review

The answer may lie in the program review process.  Indirect data collected via surveys sent to students, graduates, faculty, staff, and employers could be used to gather evidence of any misalignment between or among the institution's, school's, discipline or department's goals and outcomes and the students' goals.  This type of data, unlike anecdotal evidence, may be statistically significant enough to encourage changes to any outdated or otherwise irrelevant goals, from bottom (course goals and outcomes) to top, or from top (institutional goals and outcomes) to bottom.

This type of survey data must become common practice, part of standard procedures for program review, if an institution wants its goals and stated outcomes to remain relevant in a changing world. Students' goals, their requests to learn specific abilities and gain specific qualities, should not be ignored, but should become part of an institution's annual assessment practices.

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Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish. 

Common Errors to Avoid: Pronoun Shifts and Confusing Antecedents

Avoid Shifting Pronouns to Avoid Clarity Errors

The use of pronouns can be a tricky thing, but errors can be avoided if you always check your antecedents.

The first common error that can be avoided by checking your antecedents is an inconsistent point of view.  The second common error is the use of a vague or ambiguous reference.

Point of View and Pronoun Shift

The point of view is the "relative position from which something is seen or a subject is considered" (Shaw 358). When this point of view changes, it can make your writing a bit confusing for a reader to understand, and that's never a good thing.

Take the following sentence, for example, which includes a shift in number: "A puppy can bring a person a lot of joy, but they are also a lot of work."  Can you see it?  The pronoun in the sentence is "they," which is plural.  However, it's antecedent, or the word it refers to, is "puppy," which is singular.

The sentence needs to be corrected for the shift in number in order to clarify the pronoun-antecedent relationship: "A puppy can bring a person a lot of joy, but a puppy is also a lot of work," or "A puppy can bring a person a lot of joy, but he is also a lot of work."

Another type of pronoun shift is class or formality.  For example, instead of writing "One should always return library books on time if you want to avoid fees," maintain either the third person or the second person throughout the sentence.  To correct it you could write, "One should always return library books on time if one wants to avoid fees," or "You should always return library books on time if you want to avoid fees."

Vague or Ambiguous Pronouns

We call a sentence or phrase ambiguous when there are multiple meanings to choose from, but we don't know which meaning the writer means for us to choose. We say a sentence or phrase is vague when meaning is implied, or if we can't figure out any meaning.   Here are some examples:

Ambiguous: "The veterinarian took the puppies and kittens from the pet carriers and placed them on the floor."  The pronoun in the sentence is "them," but we aren't sure if "them" refers to the puppies, the kittens, or the pet carriers.  What was placed on the floor?  There are three different words in the sentence from which to choose, but the antecedent is ambiguous, so we just do not know.

In order to clarify our meaning we can say, "The veterinarian took the puppies and kittens from the pet carriers and placed the carriers on the floor."

Vague: "They have great desserts in Canada."  If the writer means to say that Canadians make great desserts, she should use "Canadians" as the subject of her sentence.  However, because the antecedent to the sentence is implied, does not appear in the sentence, she might also mean something else, like "restaurants," "French bakeries," or some other unknown subject.  We simply do not know because the antecedent, the meaning of the pronoun, is missing.  To correct the sentence the writer should use a specific noun as the subject instead of using a pronoun, which is a good rule of thumb for all sentences.

Revision and editing take time and practice, but if you know what to look for when checking your pronouns and antecedents, the process can be made much easier.  Always check your pronouns for shifts in case or number and for vague or ambiguous antecedents.

Works Cited

Shaw, Harry. A Complete Course in Freshman English. 2nd revised ed. New York: Harper & Brothers, 1940. Print.






Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.

Introduction Paragraphs and Lead-Ins

A Well-Written Introduction and Conclusion Work Like Bookends
Bookends Image Used by Permission of Ole Husby

The introduction of an essay serves two purposes. First, the writer uses it to capture a reader's attention. Then, the writer smoothly leads the reader from the attention-getting material to the thesis, which is the claim, position, or revelation about a narrowed topic.

Since there are already oodles and oodles of posts and articles written about thesis statements (some of them mine), let's focus here on that other part of an introduction, the lead-in or attention-getter.

Introductory Lead-ins

Quintilian, in Traditions of Oratory, defines the purpose of the introduction, called exordium, as  "to prepare our audience in such a way that they will be disposed to lend a ready ear to the rest of our speech."  Although he was discussing oratory, specifically, this same rule applies when we write essays.  Writers want audiences to want to continue reading the essay through the conclusion.

There are several techniques a writer can use to lead a reader into an essay and capture his or her attention.  Writers choose the best lead-in technique after carefully considering several options.  Just like the rest of the essay, the lead-in must be relevant to the thesis, have an appropriate tone, and attract the specific intended audience.

Make a Lead-in Relevant to the Thesis

If a lead-in strays in any way from the main point of the essay, the reader will not be prepared to read the information the writer has presented.  This, in turn, makes the reader say "Huh?  What's going on?"  Once that happens, it is very difficult to regain a reader's trust, or even his or her attention.

The following lead-in is a startling statistic from an authority.  What might the best, relevant thesis for the following lead-in be?

According to the American Cancer Society's Web site, there will be over 230,000 new cases of breast cancer this year, and over 40,000 woman will die from breast cancer (2015).

a. Everyone should be tested for breast cancer as soon as possible.
b. Because of these startling statistics, women should all be tested every year.
c. These numbers are startling, but women can avoid becoming this year's statistics if they practice self exams each month for early detection, have a  mammogram if they are over age 40, and visit their doctors for yearly testing if they have not yet done so this year.

Write a Lead-in with an Appropriate Tone

Tone is very difficult to define, but people generally understand tone of voice when they hear variables of it.  For example, people know when someone is angry, being sarcastic, bitter, or ironic, being flippant or cutesy, being mushy or sentimental, preachy, or pompous.  Furthermore, because people understand these tones when they hear them, they can generally also understand and identify them when they read them.  Unfortunately, when people read these particular tones in essays, they stop reading.  If these tones present themselves in the very first few sentences of an essay, readers won't even make it to the thesis.

It's also important that the tone of the lead-in matches the topic.  For example, a funny anecdote or joke is not an appropriate lead-in for a serious matter like breast cancer or child abuse.  In the same way, a joke about child abuse may not be funny, but that doesn't make it appropriate for a serious essay, either.

Which of the following might be appropriate lead-in techniques for a serious essay?

a. An emotional description or cause and effect scenario related to the narrowed topic
b. A statement of a problem or popular misconception about the narrowed topic
c. Relevant facts or statistical evidence about the narrowed topic

Write the Lead-in with a Specific Audience in Mind

The intended audience of an essay should affect the way the essay is presented from the opening lead-in to the conclusion of the essay. A lead-in, in other words, should be written to attract that specific, intended audience.

For example, an essay about seat belts on school buses could be directed toward any number of specific audiences, from the students riding the buses, the bus drivers, a school board, or parents of riders.  Each of these specific audiences will need to be addressed in the manner most relevant and interesting to them.

Which of the following lead-ins would be the most interesting if the example essay about seat belts on school buses was intended for students who ride buses?

a. Do you sit next to a friend on the bus on your way to and from school?  Imagine what would happen to that friend if the bus hit a tree, rolled into a ditch on a slippery, icy road, or was hit from behind by another large vehicle.  Now, imagine the same scenario, but imagine your friend wearing a seat belt.  Which scenario would you prefer?
b. School buses account for 12% of all traffic accidents each year, and some of those accidents include fatalities.
c. Bus drivers are trained to avoid distraction and get students to and from school safely.  However, everyone is human, and some things that happen on the bus simply cannot be ignored, like students swapping seats or fighting while the bus is moving.  Seat belts could help alleviate or discourage some of those distractions.

Summary

The introduction is an exceptionally important part of an essay.  The lead-in statement of an essay's introduction helps the writer attract the attention of a specific audience while preparing that audience to receive the information presented in the thesis.  Whether the essay is written to inform, convince, or tell a story, the essay must have a beginning for its middle and its end.





Copyright Amy Lynn Hess.  Please contact the author for permission to republish.